I really do feel awful a lot, just generally not worth anyone’s time and like I am destroying everything I touch, mostly my own future. I feel so lazy and lonely and like no one will ever take me seriously because I am so awkward and panicky inside around people that I just talk about stupid random shit and never anything important. I feel like a fraud and a waste of life and like I’ll always be outshined by everyone, will never accomplish much and don’t deserve to be me.

What do I have to look back on? And what will I have to look back on? Currently doesn’t feel like much.

I got this feeling in my chest that is old and familiar, that comes when I realize the deep meanings of my life and that stirs up something, that makes me tremble from my core. Last time, I wanted to kill myself. This time I don’t. This time, I want life, the right one.

I want to be how I always thought I should be, but couldn’t. But I can. And I need to.

An update on my sense of self

The Killers are making me feel feelings that I didn’t know I could experience.

Me @ myself: I’m so glad you never gave up, I love you

Unfollowed about 400 people because I felt like going for a cleanse. Now I’m not following so many people whose urls I recognized, but who were inactive. I also unfollowed many of those who defined my experience in the beginning. But it’s good that way, I really don’t want to stay here, so it’s an alternative or even a start.

Taking this year’s pride month seriously. Multiple coming-outs, general openness, first pride in less than 3 days, possibly crushing, … It’s good.

Pass the happy! ^_^ When you get this, reply with 5 things that make you happy and send this to the last 10 people in your notifications!<3

Watching birds. Bees. The colour green. Redecorating my room accoding to my aesthetic. My aesthetic. Looking at landscapes. Riding my bike very fast through wide landscapes with no-one around. Singing alternative or indie songs when I’m alone. Concerts and going to the cinema. Helping people/ teaching children. More than 5 because I’m all for happiness and feeling good. I could go on.

astrologyqueenn:

i want passionate people in my life SO BADLY. i want to travel and do fun, wild, memorable things with people. i want to have great conversations about love and relationships and poetry, things that just set your soul on fire. i don’t want to waste my 20s thinking that nobody is the same as me and wants the same things that i do. i need friends that are the same as me. i crave deep human connection so fucking badly. i need people that are willing to get up and leave everything behind just for once in a lifetime experiences. i know there are people like me out there. there has to be.