Schlagwort: wiebke

It feels like I am sitting on hundreds of needles.

 

I am getting so nervous-

I would almost say

I am close to paniccing

But that’s not what it feels like.

Restless. I am restless.

Despair. I am close to it.

What do you call this state of mind?

I don’t know.

Do I want to know?

Do I need to know?

No is the answer to both.

But I am restless,

So I desperately look for something

I can occupy myself with.

Wich makes me even more nervous.

I am nervous.

She has to answer that mail, she has to answer, has to answer now.

…

I have finally written a mail to my school’s counseling teacher, but she doesn’t answer.

That’s why I am nervous.

You know, if the appointment I am trying to make with her was for me, I wouldn’t need to hurry. But it is not for me.

I hate that. My friend’s wellbeing depends on my teacher’s answer to a mail that was sent by me and I am just standing in between the teacher and my friend (figuratively of course)

As I said, I am nervous.

But at least I have done something, and that’s already a lot more than what I usually do which is nothing.

It is the waiting that makes me so nervous, not the responsibility.

I took a walk outside and remebered everything and everything was overwhelmingly beautiful.

But how come that I knew

No other direction than to the river?

How come that I started singing like in trance 

And still my mind was restless?

How come that I stayed at that bridge for so long

Imagining, desiring?

How come my weight was held

By nothing but four fingers?

How come I imagined every detail and desired

But my fingers held so tight?

The roaring sound of a car approaching

Was what brought me back.

And I ran away

Faster than ever

Tears streaming down my face.