I guess some of you have noticed: I haven’t been active for a while.

I know. I know and I had a reason. I will try to explain, but I am not good with words, so I will probably be unable to express my thoughts in a way I find suitable. However, this is my reason:

I live with the constant feeling that I am just wasting my life, which has (not only) to do with the way I was brought up and with how my father has acted towards my brother and me. Lately, all of his comments and reactions have gotten to me (and by ‘lately’ I mean since the early 2013). Every minute of every hour I spend here, on Tumblr, on the internet, I am disgusted by my own behaviour and and my own life. I do not want this to be my life. I don’t want to look back someday and go: “Oh, that was the time I spent every spare minute sitting in front of my laptop, laughing at things that weren’t even funny, analysing things I wasn’t even interested in.” All of this has been random. I barely truly paid attention to anything.

This has to stop. The past seven days, I haven’t been on Tumblr at all, not even on the internet. And I feel fine. In fact, I feel a lot better than before. It might not be a secret to all of you that I feel a lot better when I am on my own, with no-one there to distract me (that includes websites like Tumblr). Maybe I am lonely at times, sure, I am, but I am conscious. I know what I do, I know who I am, I know where I am going. I don’t get lost in nothing , I don’t lose myself in irrelevance. I feel better. I don’t feel like I am wasting my life.

Please don’t get me wrong. I am not saying everything on here is irrelevant. It is not. I have met some truly amazing people on here, I got to know things that had quite an impact on me and a lot of them have actually been helpful.

Which is why I am going to stay around. But my visits are going to be less frequent, less random, less wasted.

I am not sure if you can assume my point of view, but I can assure you that continuing the way of life that has been mine for more than two years now would be unbearable and I hope none of you cares enough about me to miss my presence on here (that doesn’t include you, Franzi, I could never abandon you – and you know that).

This has been a long update.

Anyway, a happy last day of 2013 and a good 2014 to everyone who reads this.

See you.