Schlagwort: w.

I don’t even have a reason anymore – just this overwhelming need to grab it from my bedside table and use it and it’s fucking scaring me and I think I can’t stop this on my own, I have to take it again and again.

I don’t want this anymore. 

Tagged

 obsessivecompulsiveninja (http://obsessivecompulsiveninja.tumblr.com/) somewhat .. tagged me, I guess, and now I am supposed to share 5 random facts about myself, I think (I have no idea how that works o.O)

Anyway, here I go:

1. I am heavily socially awkward – I can’t do anything without regretting it immediately and I have serious problems interacting with people – even friends. This made me into in a good actor / liar.

2. My absolute favorite colors are green and gray.

3. I keep falling for girls/ women who aren’t even my type.

4. I am German and the first three letters of my name are WIE – which is also the German word for “how?”, So when I was in kindergarten, my kindergarten teachers saw me writing “WIE” all over my coloring books and loved how curious I was – when actually I just had no idea how to spell my name.

5. I feel lost in rooms with bare white walls, so in my room, there are pictures, posters, sketches, quotes, poems, short stories and feathers pinned to every part of the walls I can reach (=> they are everywhere).

The past 24 hours have probably been the hardest 24 hours in my life so far.

It is neither the hunger nor the lack of willpower, not even the constant presence of what you have to ignore – it is the complete physical and mental exhaustion that makes it so extremely painful.

That does not mean I am going to stop though.

I am really fucking scared that I might just break down in swimming lessons tomorrow. But I can’t skip school in the first week, can I?

Shit. I do not want to show my body and I do not want to eat, but I will have to do both tomorrow.