Update: I pretty much completely lost it, went into hysteria mode until I was too exhausted to continue panicking and now I’m fine, no permanent damage done and all I have to do is switch off my phone and study.
Schlagwort: trigger warning
I took a walk outside and remebered everything and everything was overwhelmingly beautiful.
But how come that I knew
No other direction than to the river?
How come that I started singing like in trance
And still my mind was restless?
How come that I stayed at that bridge for so long
Imagining, desiring?
How come my weight was held
By nothing but four fingers?
How come I imagined every detail and desired
But my fingers held so tight?
The roaring sound of a car approaching
Was what brought me back.
And I ran away
Faster than ever
Tears streaming down my face.
I don’t even have a reason anymore – just this overwhelming need to grab it from my bedside table and use it and it’s fucking scaring me and I think I can’t stop this on my own, I have to take it again and again.
I don’t want this anymore.
I have these fantasies again.
I know what I am going to do tonight.
The Light in the Sky 