I don’t know why I am posting this.
As every year, January was BAD and February is good.

There are some things (music, shows, films, games) that you love so much that you can come back to them years later and it feels like coming home.

We were artists together, philosophers, scientists and wild and vivid dreamers, and now we are nothing, now I’m not even anything of what we used to be anymore.

I’m studying and socializing & feeling good.

I’m just wasting time, but I don’t know how to make it worth living.

I love my flatmates so much, they’re like a second family now ♥

I hope you’re doing well!

Thank you so much for your message! I hope you have a good day!

Actually, I have been feeling kind of okay since my massive panic attack/ minor breakdown earlier this week, not really fine, but less actively desperate and troubled. We’ll see how things will go.

So I actually sat in front of a psychiatrist today and he told me I had depression and I should get help as soon as possible and maybe take it slow with studying and finishing this semester. And now I’m tempted to try really, really hard to get through all the exams and presentations simply out of spite.

But on the plus side… I’m about to get help (yet again…) for whatever is going on.

heavy

slow

I used to be empty, now I feel weighed down

and how will I go on, what am I even doing this for –

nothing, I’m not even doing this for anything that’s promising because it’s all just pointless and I’m losing hope and I’m getting more and more desperate and it’s affecting all parts of my life now and my fucking future and i just need a break from life and existence as a whole.