Schlagwort: personal

It felt necessary to write this down at some point.

I used to call myself an atheist. I called myself agnostic. I got interested in witchy stuff and buddhism. I stopped naming my connections to religion. 

Last year, I wanted to leave the church. Then I discussed it with my flatmate who is studying medicine and realized that it is okay not to be an atheist. 

I studied the basics of chemistry, physics, geology, biology, microbiology, the beginnings of the universe and the very basics of life itself, and now I cannot say I am a non-believer.

I was at a funeral today and for the very first time, some kind of religion was something that I agreed with, even if it was just a very small part.

So this means that I have learned that not believing does not make you more intelligent or superior and that science does not kill all potential for belief.

I am still critical of organised religion and the church, but now I understand how it helps and how people connect to it and how smart people can be religious.

I actually had the best New Year’s Eve in ages! Wasn’t sad at all!! Wrote the usual summary of the year, which was full of events and lacked the usual melancholy. Then lit some sparklers in the rain with my brother while our parents were asleep, then I walked and ran around the village and into the fields while it was still raining. Went to bed late and very calm and happy.

Same jacket, same place, vastly different mindsets.

Left: post christmas walk, 2015: empty, desperate,hateful and mercilessly critical, unable to think straight, heavily depressed, dealing with an eating disorder that started in 2013
Right: post christmas walk, 2017: calm, completely (weight) restored, (re)gained so much strength (!), still thinking about the ed, but honestly recovered with a new genuine desire for life and new experiences.