Schlagwort: personal

I’m going back to school tomorrow, time to reflect on the last summer holiday of my life, so here’s 5 things about this summer 

1. Crippling loneliness and helplessness, crying a lot, more than during any other period of time in my life.

2. Wasted opportunities, some due to poor weather conditions, some due to my own laziness

3. Appointments, so many of them.

4. Going everywhere either with my parents or in hiking boots.

5. Somehow still managing to seize each day, which I am only just now starting to realize.

Last day of school 2013/14 !

I got my best school certificate ever – 0.97 (14.1 points), I still can’t believe it (15 points (-> 0.8) would be the best possible result, equalling an A++)

And the holidays have finally come, this past year has been so horrible yet perfect at the same time, with 2013 being the worst and 2014 the best year of my life so far. If I continue writing my feelings down, I will definitely cry and I have already done that today, so that’s it for now.

Omg the emotions are a bit too much for me – I am a sentimental person, you know.

I still think about how much I owe to a child that has been dead for almost nineteen years.

If she hadn’t died, I would not live. My father would not be so shaken at signs of trouble. Everything would have been different. I would have had my own baby clothes. My playmates would not have been a year older than me. 

I would not exist if she (had) lived. There is no possible scenario in which I could have ever met my sister, and I think this is how the butterfly effect works and it scares me.

Katja. Wiebke. Hendrik. It’s the three of us, but her being alive would have meant it’s only her.