I’ve been having disturbingly graphic visions of physical violence for the past few days. They usually strike me out of nowhere, with no reason or warning at all, and while I would usually see inanimate objects or dead bodies being torn into pieces, impaled on blunt or very sharp objects, burned or being drowned in acid, I now see myself. I hear my chest being cracked open, I feel every ice-cold shaft piercing my torso, I see my legs being torn off my body, I taste the floods of blood coming out of the gaping holes in my flesh and my cut throat. I experience dying in unwordly pain, I smell the burning air after a lightning strikes me and I am brought back to life and then I gain consciousness again and grasp for air.

What disturbs me the most is that I enjoy those visions.