Fuck fuckfuckfuck fuck fuck Y’know, I was somewhat able to accept gaining a few (a lot) pounds while actively fighting the binge problem by loosening my restrictions on food as suggested by the therapist and it really worked for some months. However, it appears to have been a waste of time (and my body) as I am right back where I started (being even closer to overweight than during the last critical period of time)

Shit. The binge after-effects are kicking in and I can barely move because it hurts so fucking much.

So as I mentioned earlier, I “binged” again.

And if that wasn’t bad enough, I also relapsed and cut again (I had been fighting that addiction for a while before today).

And nothing gave me any relief. The only reason I stopped eating is because there is nothing left anymore, no food I can stuff into my face, completely out of control. I am just so glad that nobody has noticed yet.

I could literally eat the largest pizza, loads of sandwiches, noodles, rice, chocolate, ice cream, chips, cereal or whatever else and it still wouldn’t be enough, which is making me sick and I feel utterly disgusted and angry and so fucking empty.

No, please, not again, no.

Why did I even hope? I know myself well enough to understand that I will always relapse.

Almost a week was already far more than what I am used to.

So yeah, let’s get back to the usual, shall we?