Rant

Went to my cousin’s birthday party and almost had yet another breakdown because of, oh well, anxiety problems.

The rest of the evening did not go much better.

Yes, I know I ate too much. I didn’t mean to, but the last time  ate something was fucking 13 hours ago, can you imagine how hungry I was? 

And also, there isn’t really much else left to do when your anxiety problems make you hide in a corner (or on the toilet, always great to avoid family), yet your mother forces you to sit next to everyone and they are all watching you because “You are blushing!” – “Your face is so red!” (it always is, that’s my natural facial color) – “Why don’t you talk to your grandfather? Don’t be so rude!” – “What do you mean you can’t – don’t be ridiculous, you aren’t making any sense!”

And no, I will not go into detail about where all the scars come from, thanks a lot.

Also, will you PLEASE stop comparing me to her? I know damn well I am not as skinny, as pretty, as attractive, as fashionable, as confident, as creative, as independent, as caring, as witty, as popular, as PERFECT as her and constantly shoving that down my throat does not improve this situation at all.

And please, dear aunt number 2, I am aware that our antipathy for each other is mutual, but if you really want to complain about my “weird mannerisms”, my “awkwardness”, my weight and my “incompetence to hold a conversation with anyone” – do it when I am not sitting next to you.

Thank you very much for your attention.